Dear Dobby, I Almost Lost You Today

Dobby, you almost got lost today. I am so sorry I didn’t keep a better watch on you. You must have been so lonely and scared out there, in a world you have no clue about.

You usually never leave our home, except when we take you out in our car to the vet’s. You don’t even go out to the stairwells of the building.

I don’t know how long you were gone for…but it could not have been less than a life threatening experience for you.

We looked for you everywhere in the house, and thought you were hiding within some corner like you always do. But when we finally could not find you after a long long search, I decided to look outside. Honestly, I would have never imagined that you would even step out of the door because you never do!

However, to my surprise, I found you in the staircase, 2 stories above our floor, all the way up at the top of the window grid, silent and covered in dirt. I climbed up the grids in my PJs and got you down on my shoulder, but you were still very quiet…and then finally you let out an almost inaudible purr. Really, you must have been so frightened. I am so sorry you had to go through such a terrible experience.

Then I brought you home…so relieved to have found you. I usually don’t give you milk, but today, I warmed up a tiny little cup of milk in the exact same container I used to give you milk in, when I first brought you home 4 years ago. And then I cleaned the dust off your paws, again, just like I did back when you were only a month old.

I won’t let the same happen to you again, Dobby, I promise. Right now, I’m just so glad you’re safe. Sleep well, Dobbs.

Much love, from your sister / mummy / playmate / something warm to cuddle up against when you’re cold or you just feel like it,

Asuma

xxx

 

 

Being Patient With My Body

These past several days? No. I was not doing very well physically, and just really did not want to do anything.

Abdominal bloating and pain accompanied by headaches, kind of hit me emotionally as well, especially because I was doing so much better digestion-wise toward the end of my stay in India.

My mind was filled with questions like “what am I doing wrong?”, “what could I possibly do to feel like I did back in India?”, “should I eat because it’s my ‘set mealtime’ even though I am not hungry right now?”, etc.

But then I realised that because my IBS has a lot (mostly, actually) to do with my mental status rather than the functioning of my bowels itself, the stress out of being sick was making the symptoms worse everyday. Yes, when I worry, my intestines like to stick to the food and wastes like glue…sorry TMI. But you get the idea.

So then I told myself to be patient. Just relax, because the body will just have to go through whatever it does, and when it’s time to heal, it will happen.

And that’s when things slowly started to feel better, and although I am still just astonishingly bloated today, I don’t feel quite as uncomfortable and I am able to feel happy, just the way I am.

Okay, so maybe I am not happy all throughout the day, but that’s completely normal. I am just so grateful to myself, for being able to enjoy myself and be happy without the ‘prerequisites of happiness’ I used to have. You know, like “I need to be healthy to be happy”, or “I need to be not bloated”, “beautiful”, “thin”, “not worried about my studies/work”, and all of the likes.

It’s tough, but I feel that I am getting somewhere now. The ultimate journey to Happiness

x

Photos: Food In India – Inside&Outside Ashram

Photos: Sivananda Ashram, Neyyar Dam

New Beginning

Hello Ah yes I’m finally back to my parent’s from India, after more than 6 weeks!! I am sorry I could not update this blog for such a long time, but where I was staying, there was rarely any opportunity to access the internet. Not that I would have had the energy to anyway, considering the busy routine we had to follow everyday. It was pretty much the adrenaline rush that kept me going through most days. And definitely the very strong tea they brew in India. That stuff is pure caffeine, I kid you not.

To be honest, I don’t really know how to explain my stay in India in one post…so what I will be doing now is sort of elaborate on different aspects of my experience there in several posts over the next week or so.

But I just want to also say here, that no words could ever, ever, equal what I have been able to go through in this trip, the things I’ve learnt, the parts within myself I’ve begun to discover, and little peeks of what true Bliss may be. I am so grateful that I was blessed with this opportunity to begin my journey to enquiring what the Truth is, what happiness really means. Now, I truly believe that the struggles I’d been facing earlier were kind of like a part of my destiny, to make myself go on this trip and learn what I have learnt, and continue to learn. I was exactly where I needed to be in my life, and I am where I am supposed to be now. I wouldn’t say I am a completely different person now, but I have discovered so many things about myself and life in general, I just really want to keep learning more – it’s a new beginning for me. A beginning of a journey to always be happy. I used to think it was impossible for me to change my behaviours, my thoughts, my life…but now, I believe there is so much more I could have, I just need to reach out for it. And now I am learning how to do that.

Anyway, I’ll keep this post short and sweet, and I will try upload a few photos from my trip next time

 

x

Asuma

 

In Kolkata

Sorry I couldn’t post a proper update much earlier!

It’s just that things were going kind of crazy…I freak out each time I am about to travel somewhere and get overly worry that I might forget something. So basically I didn’t have the time to sit down and do this, until now.

Anyhow, I am in Kolkata now! I will be staying here tonight to catch a flight to Trivandrum, Kerala tomorrow morning.

Once I am in the ashram there,

I probably won’t have access to the Internet (or much spare time either, I guess) so I can’t promise how much I can actually post anything here for the next one month But I am hoping to post lots of photos from the trip once I’m back home!

Now that all that fanatic suitcase packing is over, I can take a breath and just focus on the exciting things! I can’t wait for tomorrow to happen. And the day after. And the one after. Wow, I can’t believe I just said that, I mean, when was the last time I even felt this way? I’m so glad this trip is happening to me now.

Alright then, I better catch some sleep now so I don’t miss the flight tomorrow! See you soon

x

I Just Want To Be Enough

 

 

 

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Just have an okay day. That’s good enough.

x

Trip to India: Sivananda Yoga Vedanta Dhanwantari Ashram

 

Hey there. I actually have a huge news to share with you today!!!! Drum roll please……………..okay, here goes.

I will be staying at a yoga ashram in Kerala, India for a month, starting next week!!!!!!!!!

The place I will be staying at is called Sivananda Yoga Vedanta Dhanwantari Ashram, and I’m registered for the Teacher’s Training Course, in which I’m basically going to learn how to become a yoga teacher.

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Here is a little description of their course according to their website:

“This one-month course is a profound experience that helps to establish a firm foundation of inner discipline. The course is based on the traditional gurukula system (‘guru’s house’) in which students live and study with the teacher. The Teachers Training Course (TTC) is an intensive and transformative experience taught by disciples of Swami Vishnudevananda. The curriculum includes instruction in asana (yoga postures), pranayama (breathing exercises), meditation, chanting, mantras, yoga philosophy, diet, kriyas (cleansing exercises to purify the body) and study of the Bhagavad Gita.”

“Students will develop the skills to teach yoga asana as well as improve their own personal practice.”

“An internationally recognized certificate from the International Sivananda Yoga Vedanta Centre (ISYVC) organization is awarded on successful completion of the course. The diploma is entitled ‘Yoga Siromani’.”

“The course is officially recognized by the Yoga Alliance in the USA and Canada for the 200 hours Registered Yoga School Standards.”

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Living in a yoga ashram and training to get a yoga instructor’s license have always been on my Bucket List, and I just could not think of a better time to realise them than now, when I have an entire year off from uni and my family is still staying in Bangladesh.

Despite the obvious and prime conditions to enroll in the course, I was scared as sh*t to actually go ahead with it.

“What if I am not good enough to even dream about an intense course like this? What if I am not fit enough?……..What if I can’t deal with the emotional aspects right now?And worst of all, what if it reflects negatively on my recovery?” A million doubts ran across my ever-restless mind.

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But then somewhere in my head, I knew I just had to do it. All I had to do was jump in, because I knew that there would always be reasons why I shouldn’t commit myself to it and I’d always be afraid of things going wrong. If I had learnt anything during the past several months, it was the fact that there will always be hesitations, but unless I gave something a shot, I would never know what I could have achieved. It’s not necessarily a bad thing to be that way though, to be cautious. That makes me careful. Serious about important decisions that could affect me in any way. And moreover, it means that I care about myself, physically and mentally. It makes me human. It’s okay to play with water and test it before diving in. But I will never know unless I tried. I gave myself a go sign this time, because this one year was the time I gave myself to heal and recover, and try new things. Even if I fail, so what. I can manage to fall down right now, because I know I can get up again.

Anyway, so here I am, holding my air tickets (literally, I am holding it right now, just got it from the travel agency today), ready to try myself. Okay, so maybe not completely ready. But I’m ready not to be ready all the time…I hope that even makes any sense. Well, it does to me.

I don’t know how this trip will affect me. I do hope that it will be an enriching and healing experience for me though. But even if it doesn’t turn out to be as I’d wanted it to, I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I guess I had to put that down in words to reassure myself that it is okay, that I just need to do the best that I can.

This post is becoming rather lengthy now, so I’m going to leave further details about the trip for another post.

What’s on your Bucket List? Do you have any exciting plans you have for yourself that you’d like to share? Because I want to know, it inspires me to know other people’s aspirations

x

 

The Doctor Bag

Note: The first draft of this post just got deleted and as frustrating as it is, I am redoing it all over again. Ugh. First I thought I can’t be bothered, but I think I can give it just one more try.

Last year, I had this phase when I was sort of in love with doctor bags, and now, Zoe from Hart of Dixie ignited that spark in me again.

The bag. The doctor bag.

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A more glamourous doctor bag too.

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Into the two with the arrows, and the one that the model is holding.

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But more affordable versions tempt me. Like this one from ASOS.

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But then I digressed…into other kinds of purses too.

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I could never fit all my crap very important things that I carry with myself everyday, “just in case” I shall ever need them, into purses like those…but still, they’re very very cute.

Anyhow, I feel like this became more of a Hart of Dixie purse post rather than a doctor bag post, but whatever.

Are you also the sort of girl who just needs to carry her entire life in a bag 24-7, or one that just needs her iPhone and credit card and she’s all set? If you are the latter, how do you do that??? I need to learn to compromise and prioritise! Teach me!!!

x

WIAW – Reintroduce Steamed Veg

 

Happy Wednesday people I myself haven’t been having such a great week so far, but I still did manage to take a few shots of my meals here and there so here goes another round of WIAW!!!

 

 

And per usual, a huge thanks to Jenn of Peas and Crayons for hosting it for us all food enthusiasts…basically we just love to eat. And stare at what other people eat.

Also, this week, I tried reintroducing more steamed veg back into my life. Sometimes when my veg are completely raw they’re just harder for my tums to digest, so I’m actually glad I thought about making this shift.

 

Steamed cauliflower and carrots, sauteed garlicky broccoli+stalks, carrot and radish stir fry with fresh tomatoes.

Mum made lasagna. Again. Loved it! It was slightly sweeter than the previous one - I think I preferred this one better.

My TV dinner. Mash up of every leftover I could find in the fridge, with loads of steamed veg. Guess what I was watching?

Shondesh, a traditional Bengali toffee-like sweet, now even available organic at supermarkets. Loving the pro-organic movements propagating even in a developing country like ours.

Steamed (microwaved) sweet potatoes. My ever-trusty filling snack/meal.

Multigrain toast with a tomato jam that Mum made with dark Japanese sugar. More of a preserve though. Tasted exotic and fun Loved it.

Shrimp and veg curry over steamed veg and fresh cucumber. Yes, I eat less soupy types of curry like that sometimes…and I happen to like it.

Chapati with a bit of curry. Class breakfast in Bangladesh.

Went out with bestie Sanjida for a lunch date to this place called Smoke Music Cafe. I am not a big fan of their name…but the place was alright I guess.

We ordered a pizza to share…I think it was called Hot & Cheesy, but can’t remember clearly. It was delicious!!! It may have been slightly over-priced, but everything seems to be so in this city lately anyway

Of course we went for desserts after! At Club Gelato, we both ordered the same chocolate-y parfait. She couldn’t finish her’s though so I helped her…damn I have no self-control sometimes (I mean, all the time).

Even had some of this Shemai, a Bengali dessert that people often make at home. I’m a huge fan of it (haha, surprise surprise, my damn sweet-tooth) but I really don’t want to know how to make it, just so that I don’t demolish an entire bowl of it in one go. Self-control issues.

Jaljira, a salty/spicy drink made with cumin and a bit of mint. I have enjoyed them at Indian restaurants before but never knew I could make them at home with instant mixes sold at grocery stores. This one turned out to be a little too salty though, so I think I’m going to reduce the amount of powder I use next time.

Our own concoction of faux/wanna-be Bibimbap at home. Sticky rice, marinaded mung beans, fresh cucumber slices, sliced chicken sausage and fried egg with a dollop of Kochujang.

Packed tuna salad, again, with tonnes of steamed veg, which I had in the car on the way to job#2.

Classis. Chapati + banana.

Microwaved banana, mashed up with puffed rice as a late-night dessert. Never tried this combination before, but hit the spot quite neatly.

More bananas! Just wanted to show how brightly yellow and gooey this one was after being zapped. Bananas are definitely one thing I will miss once I go back to Sydney…like in ages’ time.

Anyhow, that is pretty much all for now. Off to eat more bananas tomorrow.

x