Dear Dobby, I Almost Lost You Today

Dobby, you almost got lost today. I am so sorry I didn’t keep a better watch on you. You must have been so lonely and scared out there, in a world you have no clue about.

You usually never leave our home, except when we take you out in our car to the vet’s. You don’t even go out to the stairwells of the building.

I don’t know how long you were gone for…but it could not have been less than a life threatening experience for you.

We looked for you everywhere in the house, and thought you were hiding within some corner like you always do. But when we finally could not find you after a long long search, I decided to look outside. Honestly, I would have never imagined that you would even step out of the door because you never do!

However, to my surprise, I found you in the staircase, 2 stories above our floor, all the way up at the top of the window grid, silent and covered in dirt. I climbed up the grids in my PJs and got you down on my shoulder, but you were still very quiet…and then finally you let out an almost inaudible purr. Really, you must have been so frightened. I am so sorry you had to go through such a terrible experience.

Then I brought you home…so relieved to have found you. I usually don’t give you milk, but today, I warmed up a tiny little cup of milk in the exact same container I used to give you milk in, when I first brought you home 4 years ago. And then I cleaned the dust off your paws, again, just like I did back when you were only a month old.

I won’t let the same happen to you again, Dobby, I promise. Right now, I’m just so glad you’re safe. Sleep well, Dobbs.

Much love, from your sister / mummy / playmate / something warm to cuddle up against when you’re cold or you just feel like it,

Asuma

xxx

 

 

Being Patient With My Body

These past several days? No. I was not doing very well physically, and just really did not want to do anything.

Abdominal bloating and pain accompanied by headaches, kind of hit me emotionally as well, especially because I was doing so much better digestion-wise toward the end of my stay in India.

My mind was filled with questions like “what am I doing wrong?”, “what could I possibly do to feel like I did back in India?”, “should I eat because it’s my ‘set mealtime’ even though I am not hungry right now?”, etc.

But then I realised that because my IBS has a lot (mostly, actually) to do with my mental status rather than the functioning of my bowels itself, the stress out of being sick was making the symptoms worse everyday. Yes, when I worry, my intestines like to stick to the food and wastes like glue…sorry TMI. But you get the idea.

So then I told myself to be patient. Just relax, because the body will just have to go through whatever it does, and when it’s time to heal, it will happen.

And that’s when things slowly started to feel better, and although I am still just astonishingly bloated today, I don’t feel quite as uncomfortable and I am able to feel happy, just the way I am.

Okay, so maybe I am not happy all throughout the day, but that’s completely normal. I am just so grateful to myself, for being able to enjoy myself and be happy without the ‘prerequisites of happiness’ I used to have. You know, like “I need to be healthy to be happy”, or “I need to be not bloated”, “beautiful”, “thin”, “not worried about my studies/work”, and all of the likes.

It’s tough, but I feel that I am getting somewhere now. The ultimate journey to Happiness

x

Photos: Food In India – Inside&Outside Ashram

Photos: Sivananda Ashram, Neyyar Dam

New Beginning

Hello Ah yes I’m finally back to my parent’s from India, after more than 6 weeks!! I am sorry I could not update this blog for such a long time, but where I was staying, there was rarely any opportunity to access the internet. Not that I would have had the energy to anyway, considering the busy routine we had to follow everyday. It was pretty much the adrenaline rush that kept me going through most days. And definitely the very strong tea they brew in India. That stuff is pure caffeine, I kid you not.

To be honest, I don’t really know how to explain my stay in India in one post…so what I will be doing now is sort of elaborate on different aspects of my experience there in several posts over the next week or so.

But I just want to also say here, that no words could ever, ever, equal what I have been able to go through in this trip, the things I’ve learnt, the parts within myself I’ve begun to discover, and little peeks of what true Bliss may be. I am so grateful that I was blessed with this opportunity to begin my journey to enquiring what the Truth is, what happiness really means. Now, I truly believe that the struggles I’d been facing earlier were kind of like a part of my destiny, to make myself go on this trip and learn what I have learnt, and continue to learn. I was exactly where I needed to be in my life, and I am where I am supposed to be now. I wouldn’t say I am a completely different person now, but I have discovered so many things about myself and life in general, I just really want to keep learning more – it’s a new beginning for me. A beginning of a journey to always be happy. I used to think it was impossible for me to change my behaviours, my thoughts, my life…but now, I believe there is so much more I could have, I just need to reach out for it. And now I am learning how to do that.

Anyway, I’ll keep this post short and sweet, and I will try upload a few photos from my trip next time

 

x

Asuma

 

In Kolkata

Sorry I couldn’t post a proper update much earlier!

It’s just that things were going kind of crazy…I freak out each time I am about to travel somewhere and get overly worry that I might forget something. So basically I didn’t have the time to sit down and do this, until now.

Anyhow, I am in Kolkata now! I will be staying here tonight to catch a flight to Trivandrum, Kerala tomorrow morning.

Once I am in the ashram there,

I probably won’t have access to the Internet (or much spare time either, I guess) so I can’t promise how much I can actually post anything here for the next one month But I am hoping to post lots of photos from the trip once I’m back home!

Now that all that fanatic suitcase packing is over, I can take a breath and just focus on the exciting things! I can’t wait for tomorrow to happen. And the day after. And the one after. Wow, I can’t believe I just said that, I mean, when was the last time I even felt this way? I’m so glad this trip is happening to me now.

Alright then, I better catch some sleep now so I don’t miss the flight tomorrow! See you soon

x

I Just Want To Be Enough

 

 

 

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Just have an okay day. That’s good enough.

x